gahhhh !

whooo lets see . 

so ive been doing a lot of thinking lately 

and ive realized that ive spent most of my life waiting for something 

waiting on friends 

waiting on boys

waiting on love

waiting on my life to start

and im tiiired of waiting ! 

thats all i do is wait and wait

and im going to start doing and doing

you can expect so much out of a person but for what ?

youre supposed to be able to rely on those you love and care for 

but it always conveniently seems that im a convenience 

when you're in need of something im the first person there for you 

if it has to be listening to you cry on the phone

to taking you places that you cant take yourself to

to being there when nobody else is 

and its a weird time for most of us i guess

some people cant handle the pressures of life 

and seem to forget the people that were there from the start

or maybe its just me . 

maybe its both of us . 

maybe im the only one stuck in US

and what should happen or shouldnt happen

but its teaching me to move on quickly

ill always be here 

but people change 

and just like you . im going to have to as well . 

so heres to moving forward in life

with or without you . 

CATCHING UPPPPPPPPP up and away .

gah . SEPTEMBER had to be the worst month of maybe my lifetime . i dont think one good thing came out of it . except my job which i got because of reyna . thankfully haha. anyways were do i start ? i guess i never really talked about school . its pretty chill i mean its only tuesdays and thursdays so ya  . but thursday are the worst cuz i go from like 8-5 and thats an effing drag  . but its way different than high school and i like it a lot i just have a harrrrd time waking up im not meant to be a morning person. but anywhooo . 

a lot of shits happened and i guess it either made me realize so much more or made me feel like fuck everything mode. its confusing . im glad things went the way they went. it made me open my eyes to actual reality and how nothing is quite what it seems. im just doing me and thats how it has to be from here on out . you can rely on people for certain things but when you rely on people when it comes to your heart or your emotions it doesnt quite work out the way you planned. but im the queen of second chances and i have a lot of hope in us . i want to be able to look back in five years and know that i made the right decision . and it may turn out that way or it may not . im leaning more towards the may . its hard when you feel things that you've never felt in your life and dont really know how to handle emotions that you should know how to handle. but ya thats where i am in that aspect of my life . just riding things out and hoping and looking for the best in him. 

it sucks when you have to start a new chapter in your life because that automatically means another one has to close which is really dumb . and im the type of person who cant be alone unfortunately well at least when it comes to my friends. and reyna leaving is another one of the hardest things ive had to deal with; i cry like every other day its so hard not having someone to go to ALL the time. its making me handle certain situations by myself but its always good to have someone to confide in . and i was with her like 24/8 and now im like shit what am i going to do. and now i miss the fact that she liked to go out so much i should have taken advantage of that cuz now im like fuck i want to go out . but pedro and eric cant fill the place of a girl . well at least one cant ahhaa . jk ! but ya i feel super lonely without her and i want her to come back we see each other but its not the same comforting feeling that i usually get when im around her . cuz i know that we eventually have to say goodbye again . 

halloweeeeen is coming !!! yay so were going to santa barbara for halloweeeen . and its going to crackkk . were gna be well idk i forgot oh ya haha sexy ass vampires ahha it may sound stupid but we'll make it look cute . im excited about that but you can always tell when one person isnt as excited as the other . yeee .

im just dragging on with life right now . looking forward to not as many things as i usually do . i miss a lot of people like real bad . i miss seeing people everyday and especially when you've shared so much with so many people  . it sucks that people have to separate . but ill get over it  . but i still miss a couple people a lot . i think reyna knows who im talking about . =/

till my next blog :D 

peaaaceee x333